Setting Relationship Standards

“Nowadays, I like to keep it classy.  But, even if I was like I was back a couple of years ago, I definitely wouldn’t fight over an ugly, brain-dead, high school dropout. You wouldn’t even catch me with a guy like that. I have places to go with my life and being with someone who doesn’t share my ambition will only hold me back.”

-Aaliyah Anderson, from the forthcoming young adult novel “The Diary of Aaliyah Anderson”

As a teenager, one thing I see on a regular is people conforming to the negative influences that surround them. It’s so disheartening. Look at me, a soon to be published author at the age of seventeen! I saw how the odds are stacked against me as a young black male and I decided to go against the grain and chase prosperity by any means necessary.  Is it that hard for young people my age to do the same?

Surprisingly, it is.

deal-breakers-or-unrealistic-expectationsLiving in an urbanized city where hope is foreign unless you rap or play in a national sports league, I can sympathize with the fellow members of my millennial generation. Not only can I understand their struggle (as mine is virtually the same), I’m willing to do whatever it takes to help my people reach the promise land. I’ve started passing knowledge along to my peers in school and they’re happily receiving it. However, they still fall victim to the monstrous pitfalls that even many adults fall trap to. So allow me, with my new position as an UI writer, to give my readers a daily nudge in the right direction to achieving success.

One of my favorite books has to be The 48 Laws of Power. It’s one of the many works of literature that I believe every person who wants to achieve major triumphs in their lives should have in their library. Law ten of the book is one that should be dually noted as we bring up the topic of setting clear, concrete relationship standards. It states:


You can die from someone else’s misery-emotional states are as infectious as diseases. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.”

For years, I argued with my people that I considered my friends that hanging around and dating the wrong people would be counterproductive for more reasons than one. While they laughed and mocked me, I made a concerted effort to be the type of positive brother that a young woman’s parents would be enthusiastic to meet. I also schemed on ways to carry myself with an intelligent swagger and still get major respect from the young people I see every day.

It’s safe to say that my attempts worked.

I’ve never been one of those immature guys that equated sexuality to manhood. Because of this, I’ve stood out amongst my peers. While I once shunned it and tried to fit in with the infectious, unlucky brothers that are the epitome of what The 48 Laws of Power said to avoid, I started to embrace it. As I started to accept that I was a BMB (Business Minded Brother), I separated from people counterproductive to my goals. With them off my back opportunities and prosperity seemingly found me!

Unlock the King or Queen that’s inherently inside of you. Do so by integrating these principals into your life:

  • Reevaluate your circle. If your friends or acquaintances aren’t furthering your cause, consider cutting them off.
  • Associate with a large amount of BMBF (Business Minded Black Folks). If they avoid you, maybe you need to take some time out to evaluate yourself! I mean, you attract what you are…….
  • Know who you’re dealing with. If the person you’re in a relationship with (intimate, casual or strictly sexual) isn’t on the up and up don’t suffer in silence. You don’t deserve to be around a negative person like that!
  • Never conform your relationship standards at any time. When I say never I mean never!

Do you have any questions, comments or concerns? Was I right or wrong on this issue? Do you want to join the focus group for my novel The Diary of Aaliyah Anderson? I would love to hear from you! Contact me directly at:


Kik: @AuthorRandallB

Ask.Fm: @YoungandGiftedBooks


Check out a preview of my novel The Diary of Aaliyah Anderson on Wattpad! It’s dropping soon!

2 thoughts on “Setting Relationship Standards”

  1. I’m not black, but I liked this. I think it could go for any person of any race.. but putting that aside, great read. Thanks for sharing it.

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