Tag Archives: divorce

ULR Feature: FORCED ABSENCE: A Story About Children Of Divorce, Child Support, Custody & Parental Alienation Wars

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Imagine waking up one Saturday morning to the sound of loud banging at your door. You call out to your wife, “Sweetie, answer the door!” But your spouse and the kids are gone. The knocks keep coming. You open the door and see two burly Sheriff’s Deputies at your door who inform you that your spouse has filed a Protection From Abuse order against you and that you’ve got twenty minutes to get your things out of the house and vacate the premises.

You are dumbfounded because you never had a fight with her and violence was never part of the equation for you. You argue that there must be a mistake, but your pleas fall on deaf ears. You realize numbly that, to them, you sound just like the brutes who actually do abuse the ones they love.

You get dressed, grab a few things, and frantically make some calls as you watch the Deputies install padlocks on your doors. Eventually you leave and drive to your parents’ house, hoping that you’ll be back home in a couple of days after the matter has been resolved. Unbeknownst to you, you will never step foot in your home again. The truth is, your spouse has a new love in her life and used a PFA order to get rid of you and move the lover in. Your wife’s new lover is now your children’s new daddy.

Welcome to the life of Tim Olson. Tim was a victim of this scenario, except that Tim wasn’t the husband . . . he was the child. when Tim’s mother accused his father of abuse that never happened, she drove Tim’s father into financial and emotional ruin. When Tim grew up and learned the truth, he didn’t just get mad he got even, with tragic results.

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Through interviews with actual litigants, mental health professionals, lawyers, and victims, we learn about the undercurrent of post-nuptial turmoil now boiling over in family courts across the country in the form of child custody and visitation battles, false allegations of abuse, corrupt judges, and unaffordable child support awards. The system is broken and the results it has on the families who go through it is devastating. The laws of various jurisdictions in the United States encourage and reward greed while discouraging civility and co-parenting. The same is true to some extent in England, Canada, Germany, Spain, Argentina and several countries across the globe.

Forced Absence is a story of love and hatred, greed and vengeance, and the effects of a corrupt and inefficient family court system which is being exploited by husbands, wives, and live-in partners seeking to destroy one another. This documentary is an assembly of capsulized true events in the lives of several victims. To the extent possible, the participants are the actual individuals involved. To protect the innocent and their privacy, some re-enactments and technical changes were incorporated.
This book, which is written in a screenplay format, is a derivative of the feature motion picture.

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About the Author

Pius A. Uzamere is a writer-producer-director whose passion is, advancing the course of justice by fighting for those unable to fight, and speaking for those whose voices are being squelched.
This is why he spent more than a dozen years working on the plight of non custodial parents and their children.
In his spare time, he loves to watch his favorite major league baseball teams play.

For additional information about the issues addressed in Forced Absence please visit:
ForcedAbsence.com. To volunteer to help spread the word about this project, please send an email to: vecpau@gmail.com

 

ULR FEATURE: Stepping Out of Chaos: Surviving Divorce: Transforming Pain to Possibility

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Stepping Out of Chaos is a guidebook for everyone involved in a disintegrating marriage and tired of failing, fighting, and fearing. Emotional pain is an unavoidable companion of all but the rarest of divorces. Emotional pain can be an impetus for personal transformation and growth or it can reinforce feelings of powerlessness and victimization. This guidebook is a commitment to the former.
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This bold and brief book introduces the reader to a new way to navigate the turmoil and chaos that accompanies divorce. It shares more productive ways to see situations and provides simple yet powerful processes and unique tools that lead you out of internal chaos onto more solid ground. Using these perspectives and tools will eventually lead the reader into a more rewarding chapter of life.

The solution that Stepping Out of Chaos offers is difficult if not impossible to discover alone. Without the perspectives that this book offers, the reader is stuck in seeing his/her situation from the same perspective that created it, forming an endless cycle of disappointment and pain. It is only by seeing through another’s eyes, seeing something that was invisible beforehand, that allows for choice and the possibility of change.

Stepping Out of Chaos approaches the reader respectfully and provides support through a non-judgmental and compassionate dialogue. This compassion and freedom from judgment is essential for being able to use the experience of divorce for situational and personal transformation. The book introduces three practices that open the reader’s mind: Awareness, Acceptance, and Action.

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Everyone involved in divorce suffers. The suffering comes from ways of interacting and relating that prevent healthy, loving, and sustainable relationships. It is the rare individual who enters into a relationship with the goal of destroying it yet this is often the outcome since there are aspects of how individuals relate that doom it from the start. Those aspects may not have shown themselves until children were born, financial hardship hit or success was achieved, or sickness or aging impacted individual expectations. Individuals rarely know what will trigger disharmony in advance nor are they aware of their part in creating it. “The problem” is always perceived as “out there”.

There is an inherent innocence in individuals caught up in a downward spiraling relationship. When this is recognized and honored it is possible to drop defensiveness and begin to be aware of what role each party is playing in the dissolution of the marriage. This awareness is the first step out of chaos. Through awareness one begins to develop the capacity to accept both responsibility for patterns of behavior that undermine dreams and the immense inherent power human beings have to change. With awareness and acceptance strategic actions can be designed and implemented to consciously and intentionally improve circumstances and the experience of being alive. Divorce is as much a beginning as an end.

The authors, Karen McMahon and Lisa Brick, partners and divorce and relationship coaches, share the experiences of their many divorce clients to illustrate the perspectives they introduce. They weave their expertise as coaches throughout the thought-provoking solution-seeking questions they pose to their readers. These questions provide access to parts of the brain that are lying dormant, waiting to awaken. Consider Stepping Out of Chaos the gentle supportive voice that will wake the sleeping creative, the finder of solutions, the innovator of new approaches, and ultimately, the wise self in which peace and happiness resides.

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Book Review

“WOW JUST WOW This is the best illustrated and laid out book that I have reviewed. It is very well
illustrated with great pics that contribute to the book.

This book is a short but concise read. The author should be congratulated on producing a book that
can take much of the pain out of divorce and keep people thinking in a clear headed fashion and
avoiding playing the victim.

People invariably suffer profound emotional pain because they are reacting emotionally and want
revenge. They also don’t see themselves as being contributors to the divorce. Karen points out
with laser like vision the need to analyze the situation in a cool very logical and analytical stance
and eliminating the emotions.

If you are thinking about a divorce you should invest in this book. The author also throws in a
free e-book entitled: Navigating Your Divorce. It can prevent you from making very costly
mistakes.” – Amazon Reviewer

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