Tag Archives: Domestic Violence

Author Guest Blog: If Only You Knew by Benjamin Janey

It may not be you, yet we all have a friend or family member that has been or still in an abusive relationship. We would like to believe that it will get better for them through prayer, leaving or just having heard someone else tell their story. However, based on the increasing numbers and death tolls if we knew better, we’d do better.

The Power and Control Wheel is an outdated method still used to combat domestic violence. By explaining and repeating who, what, where and when still doesn’t explain why. Therefore, we must understand that a person cannot change their ways until they change their minds.

The first step is Prevention. We must learn how to avoid and identify a bad situation beforehand. Many of us have been in more than one abusive relationship and have heard our families and friends say, “We sure know how to pick them.” But do we really?

            How much thought is considered beforehand when choosing a mate? Are we relying too much on a physical attraction, only to find out that if we’re not relating, there’s no relationship. The million dollar question that I’d like to ask is:


Are we beginning from a position of strength or weakness?

This is a series of questions that we must ask ourselves when first considering a relationship or starting over.


1. Why do we want a relationship?


2. Are we ready to give up or compromise the freedom of being single?


3. Do we have time to share our lives right now or do we already find ourselves with not enough hours in a day?


4. Are we allowing sexual/physical attraction to outweigh logical reasoning when choosing a mate?


5. Are we confusing a bed mate with a soul mate?


6. Do we have realistic goals that we haven’t met yet? Such as: our own place to live, a car, and employment?


7. Are we willing to share our place, car, and pay check just for the sake of saying that you have a man or woman?


8. Do we inspect what we expect?


a. Can he/she read?


b. Who’s their family and friends?


c. Do they have a place, a car and visible employment?


d. Would we accept a weed smoker, drinker or casual drug user?


9. Do they belong to a church, temple, synagogue, or even have a religion?


10. Has either of us been tested for HIV/AIDS?


11. Or will it be: because we’re lonely, horny and they look good, we’ll just “hope” things work out?

benandreaderAbout The Author

He is a self-taught author who’s defied all odds. With humble beginnings, BEN wrote Op-Ed’s and have appeared in The Hartford Courant, The Register Citizen, and The Litchfield Inquirer, just to name a few. As time progressed, Benjamin worked full time as a newspaper reporter for The Hartford Inquirer Newspaper Group. Shortly after he was awarded his own column called Generation X, Keeping It Real.

Ben is stepping out of the box, refusing to be just an urban novel author. His sophomore book, Domestic Violence-The Cure© is something the entire country must anticipate. He’s presenting Prevention, Intervention, and Redemption like never before…

Purchase Domestic Violence: The Cure Now


Follow me at www.twitter.com/benjaminjaney,